I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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