I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
