if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
