margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
