TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
