If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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