You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize