So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
