i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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