she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
