**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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