Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
