At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
