Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
