We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
