I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
