Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The adults are the big ones right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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