your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
