3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
