fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
