my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
