I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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