wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
