Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
