I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
