Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize