So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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