Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
