sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
