I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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