I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I need to stop coming to work sober
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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