i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
