yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
