The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
