i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
