and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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