I heard we made out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
