I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize