Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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