So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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