it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
