That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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