i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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