and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize