Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
