He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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