Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
