i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
