I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
