meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
