THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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