I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we're so committed to being not committed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
