the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
