i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
