Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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