made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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