Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
