Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
