You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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