Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
