my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
