We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
