The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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