Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize