hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
