He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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