So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
be right there i have to get my cape
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize