I have demons in me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize